i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
