Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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