And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
