I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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