i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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