Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
