I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
