omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
