Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
