I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
