I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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