he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He better not be in your backpack
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
