that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
