Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
