So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think your dad took our porno
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
