just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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