Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
