I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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