I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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