By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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