i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
