3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
