spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
