someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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