i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
