I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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