Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
