my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
