Moan for me like Helen Keller
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
