I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
