Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
