My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
