Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
