I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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