How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
