hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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