I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
