We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
