it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
