Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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