Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
