I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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