I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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