So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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