12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
