WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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