I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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