It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
