We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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