I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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