also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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