I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
