Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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