last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
