i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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