got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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