That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
