Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
