The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
