dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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