You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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